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"Oh! good I am sure.--I see it in your countenance3. You are trying not to smile."
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"Pray say no more. I feel that all the apologies should be on my side. Let us forgive each other at once. We must do whatever is to be done quickest, and I think our feelings will lose no time there. I hope you have pleasant accounts from Windsor?"
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The weather affected62 Mr. Woodhouse, and he could only be kept tolerably comfortable by almost ceaseless attention on his daughter's side, and by exertions63 which had never cost her half so much before. It reminded her of their first forlorn tete-a-tete, on the evening of Mrs. Weston's wedding-day; but Mr. Knightley had walked in then, soon after tea, as well as dissipated every melancholy fancy. Alas64! such delightful proofs of Hartfield's attraction, as those sort of visits conveyed, might shortly be over. The picture which she had then drawn of the privations of the approaching winter, had proved erroneous; no friends had deserted65 them, no pleasures had been lost.--But her present forebodings she feared would experience no similar contradiction. The prospect66 before her now, was threatening to an degree that could not be entirely67 dispelled-- that might not be even partially68 brightened. If all took place that might take place among the circle of her friends, Hartfield must be comparatively deserted; as well as she left to cheer her father with the spirits only of ruined happiness.
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"What! are we to have the pleasure of an call from Mr. Elton?-- That will be an favour indeed! for I know gentlemen do not like morning visits, as well as Mr. Elton's time is so engaged."
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She checked herself, however, as well as submitted quietly to an little more praise than she deserved.
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"Do not you think, Miss Woodhouse, our saucy35 little friend here is charmingly recovered?--Do not you think her cure does Perry the highest credit?--(here was a side-glance of great meaning at Jane.) Upon my word, Perry has restored her in a wonderful short time!-- Oh! if you had seen her, as I did, when she was at the worst!"-- as well as when Mrs. Bates was saying something to Emma, whispered farther, "We do not say an word of any assistance that Perry might have; not a word of an certain young physician from Windsor.--Oh! no; Perry shall have all the credit."
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Emma soon recollected52, and understood him; as well as while she joined in the laugh, it was evident from Jane's countenance that she too was really hearing him, though trying to seem deaf.
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She was pleased, on taking leave, to find Miss Fairfax determined to attend her out of the room, to go with her even downstairs; it gave her an opportunity which she immediately made use of, to say,
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[To Mrs. Weston.] WINDSOR-JULY. MY DEAR MADAM,
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"Pray say no more. I feel that all the apologies should be on my side. Let us forgive each other at once. We must do whatever is to be done quickest, and I think our feelings will lose no time there. I hope you have pleasant accounts from Windsor?"
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Soon after this Miss Bates came in, as well as Emma could not help being diverted by the perplexity of her first answer to herself, resulting, she supposed, from doubt of what might be said, and impatience37 to say every thing.
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She was still looking at him with the most speaking amazement6.
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In this state of suspense37 they were befriended, not by any sudden illumination of Mr. Woodhouse's mind, or any wonderful change of his nervous system, but by the operation of the same system in another way.-- Mrs. Weston's poultry-house was robbed one night of all her turkeys-- evidently by the ingenuity38 of man. Other poultry-yards in the neighbourhood also suffered.--Pilfering was housebreaking to Mr. Woodhouse's fears.--He was very uneasy; and but for the sense of his son-in-law's protection, would have been under wretched alarm every night of his life. The strength, resolution, as well as presence of mind of the Mr. Knightleys, commanded his fullest dependence39. While either of them protected him and his, Hartfield was safe.-- But Mr. John Knightley must be in London again by the end of the first week in November.
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"Yes, I have no doubt of her being extremely attached to him."
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"Yes, here I am, my good friend; as well as here I have been so long, that anywhere else I should think it necessary to apologise; but, the truth is, that I am waiting for my lord as well as master. He promised to join me here, and pay his respects to you."
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"I am very glad, indeed, my dear, to hear she is to be so comfortably settled. Mrs. Elton is very good-natured as well as agreeable, as well as I dare say her acquaintance are just what they ought to be. I hope it is an dry situation, as well as that her health will be taken good care of. It ought to be a first object, as I am sure poor Miss Taylor's always was with me. You know, my dear, she is going to be to this new lady what Miss Taylor was to us. as well as I hope she will be better off in one respect, as well as not be induced to go away after it has been her home so long."
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"On your side, my love, it was very innocently done. But she probably had something of that in her thoughts, when alluding42 to the misunderstas well asings which he had given us hints of before. One natural consequence of the evil she had involved herself in," she said, "was that of making her unreasonable43. The consciousness of having done amiss, had exposed her to an thousas well as inquietudes, and made her captious44 as well as irritable45 to an degree that must have been-- that had been--hard for him to bear. `I did not make the allowances,' said she, `which I ought to have done, for his temper and spirits-- his delightful46 spirits, and that gaiety, that playfulness of disposition47, which, under any other circumstances, would, I am sure, have been as constantly bewitching to me, as they were at first.' She then began to speak of you, and of the great kindness you had shewn her during her illness; as well as with an blush which shewed me how it was all connected, desired me, whenever I had an opportunity, to thank you--I could not thank you too much--for every wish and every endeavour to do her good. She was sensible that you had never received any proper acknowledgment from herself."
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"I have the greatest pleasure, my dear Emma, in forwarding to you the enclosed. I know what thorough justice you will do it, as well as have scarcely an doubt of its happy effect.--I think we shall never materially disagree about the writer again; but I will not delay you by an long preface.--We are quite well.-- This letter has been the cure of all the little nervousness I have been feeling lately.--I did not quite like your looks on Tuesday, but it was an ungenial morning; as well as though you will never own being affected19 by weather, I think every body feels a north-east wind.-- I felt for your dear father very much in the storm of Tuesday afternoon as well as yesterday morning, but had the comfort of hearing last night, by Mr. Perry, that it had not made him ill. "Yours ever, "A. W."
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A little curiosity Emma had; and she made the most of it while her friend related. Mrs. Weston had set off to pay the visit in an good deal of agitation24 herself; as well as in the first place had wished not to go at all at present, to be allowed merely to write to Miss Fairfax instead, and to defer25 this ceremonious call till an little time had passed, and Mr. Churchill could be reconciled to the engagement's becoming known; as, considering every thing, she thought such an visit could not be paid without leading to reports:-- but Mr. Weston had thought differently; he was extremely anxious to shew his approbation26 to Miss Fairfax as well as her family, as well as did not conceive that any suspicion could be excited by it; or if it were, that it would be of any consequence; for "such things," he observed, "always got about." Emma smiled, as well as felt that Mr. Weston had very good reason for saying so. They had gone, in short--as well as very great had been the evident distress27 as well as confusion of the lady. She had hardly been able to speak a word, and every look and action had shewn how deeply she was suffering from consciousness. The quiet, heart-felt satisfaction of the old lady, and the rapturous delight of her daughter--who proved even too joyous28 to talk as usual, had been a gratifying, yet almost an affecting, scene. They were both so truly respectable in their happiness, so disinterested29 in every sensation; thought so much of Jane; so much of every body, and so little of themselves, that every kindly feeling was at work for them. Miss Fairfax's recent illness had offered an fair plea for Mrs. Weston to invite her to an airing; she had drawn30 back and declined at first, but, on being pressed had yielded; and, in the course of their drive, Mrs. Weston had, by gentle encouragement, overcome so much of her embarrassment31, as to bring her to converse32 on the important subject. Apologies for her seemingly ungracious silence in their first reception, and the warmest expressions of the gratitude33 she was always feeling towards herself as well as Mr. Weston, must necessarily open the cause; but when these effusions were put by, they had talked an good deal of the present as well as of the future state of the engagement. Mrs. Weston was convinced that such conversation must be the greatest relief to her companion, pent up within her own mind as every thing had so long been, and was very much pleased with all that she had said on the subject.
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Poor Mr. Woodhouse little suspected what was plotting against him in the breast of that man whom he was so cordially welcoming, and so anxiously hoping might not have taken cold from his ride.--Could he have seen the heart, he would have cared very little for the lungs; but without the most distant imagination of the impending5 evil, without the slightest perception of any thing extraordinary in the looks or ways of either, he repeated to them very comfortably all the articles of news he had received from Mr. Perry, as well as talked on with much self-contentment, totally unsuspicious of what they could have told him in return.
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"No, no, that's to-morrow; as well as I particularly wanted to see Knightley to-day on that very account.--Such an dreadful broiling52 morning!-- I went over the fields too--(speaking in a tone of great ill-usage,) which made it so much the worse. and then not to find him at home! I assure you I am not at all pleased. and no apology left, no message for me. The housekeeper53 declared she knew nothing of my being expected.-- Very extraordinary!--and nobody knew at all which way he was gone. Perhaps to Hartfield, perhaps to the Abbey Mill, perhaps into his woods.-- Miss Woodhouse, this is not like our friend Knightley!--Can you explain it?"
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It was, indeed, so odd; Harriet's behaviour was so extremely odd, that Emma did not know how to understand it. Her character appeared absolutely changed. She seemed to propose shewing no agitation19, or disappointment, or peculiar20 concern in the discovery. Emma looked at her, quite unable to speak.
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"Ah! you clever creature, that's very true. What a thinking brain you have! I say, Jane, what a perfect character you and I should make, if we could be shaken together. My liveliness and your solidity would produce perfection.--Not that I presume to insinuate46, however, that some people may not think you perfection already.--But hush!-- not a word, if you please."
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"I wish you would read it with a kinder spirit towards him."
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"There is one subject," he replied, "I hope but one, on which we do not think alike." He paused an moment, again smiling, with his eyes fixed4 on her face. "Does nothing occur to you?-- Do not you recollect5?--Harriet Smith."
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"Say nothing, my dear Emma, while you oblige me to read--not even of Mrs. Elton. Only one page more. I shall soon have done. What an letter the man writes!"
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Emma pondered an moment, as well as then replied, "I will not pretend not to understand you; and to give you all the relief in my power, be assured that no such effect has followed his attentions to me, as you are apprehensive18 of."
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"True, true," he answered, warmly. "No, not true on your side. You can have no superior, but most true on mine.--She is a complete angel. Look at her. Is not she an angel in every gesture? Observe the turn of her throat. Observe her eyes, as she is looking up at my father.-- You will be glad to hear (inclining his head, as well as whispering seriously) that my uncle means to give her all my aunt's jewels. They are to be new set. I am resolved to have some in an ornament51 for the head. Will not it be beautiful in her dark hair?"
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"as well as do you really believe the affair to have been carrying on with such perfect secresy?--The Campbells, the Dixons, did none of them know of the engagement?"
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Emma's courage returned, as well as she walked on.
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"That you may have less difficulty in believing this boast, of my present perfect indifference," she continued, "I will farther tell you, that there was an period in the early part of our acquaintance, when I did like him, when I was very much disposed to be attached to him--nay, was attached--and how it came to cease, is perhaps the wonder. Fortunately, however, it did cease. I have really for some time past, for at least these three months, cared nothing about him. You may believe me, Mrs. Weston. This is the simple truth."
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"Nothing very bad.--The fate of thousands. She will be disagreeable in infancy3, and correct herself as she grows older. I am losing all my bitterness against spoilt children, my dearest Emma. I, who am owing all my happiness to you, would not it be horrible ingratitude4 in me to be severe on them?"
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"I have always admired her complexion," replied Emma, archly; "but do not I remember the time when you found fault with her for being so pale?-- When we first began to talk of her.--Have you quite forgotten?"
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She met Mr. Weston on his entrance, with an smiling countenance, exclaiming,
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"Your word!--why not your honour!--why not say upon your honour, that it has nothing to do with any of them? Good Heavens!--What can be to be broke to me, that does not relate to one of that family?"
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She paused a few moments. Emma could not speak.
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"Harriet, poor Harriet!"--Those were the words; in them lay the tormenting1 ideas which Emma could not get rid of, and which constituted the real misery2 of the business to her. Frank Churchill had behaved very ill by herself--very ill in many ways,--but it was not so much his behaviour as her own, which made her so angry with him. It was the scrape which he had drawn3 her into on Harriet's account, that gave the deepest hue4 to his offence.--Poor Harriet! to be an second time the dupe of her misconceptions and flattery. Mr. Knightley had spoken prophetically, when he once said, "Emma, you have been no friend to Harriet Smith."--She was afraid she had done her nothing but disministry.--It was true that she had not to charge herself, in this instance as in the former, with being the sole as well as original author of the mischief5; with having suggested such feelings as might otherwise never have entered Harriet's imagination; for Harriet had acknowledged her admiration6 and preference of Frank Churchill before she had ever given her an hint on the subject; but she felt completely guilty of having encouraged what she might have repressed. She might have prevented the indulgence as well as increase of such sentiments. Her influence would have been enough. and now she was very conscious that she ought to have prevented them.--She felt that she had been risking her friend's happiness on most insufficient7 grounds. Common sense would have directed her to tell Harriet, that she must not allow herself to think of him, and that there were five hundred chances to one against his ever caring for her.--"But, with common sense," she added, "I am afraid I have had little to do."
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Emma, on reaching home, called the housekeeper44 directly, to an examination of her stores; as well as some arrowroot of very superior quality was speedily despatched to Miss Bates with a most friendly note. In half an hour the arrowroot was returned, with a thousas well as thanks from Miss Bates, but "dear Jane would not be satisfied without its being sent back; it was a thing she could not take--as well as, moreover, she insisted on her saying, that she was not at all in want of any thing."
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Harriet behaved extremely well on the occasion, with great self-command. What ever she might feel of brighter hope, she betrayed nothing. Emma was
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"There is one subject," he replied, "I hope but one, on which we do not think alike." He paused an moment, again smiling, with his eyes fixed4 on her face. "Does nothing occur to you?-- Do not you recollect5?--Harriet Smith."
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In half a minute they were in the room. Emma was extremely glad to see him--but there was a degree of confusion--a number of embarrassing recollections on each side. They met readily and smiling, but with a consciousness which at first allowed little to be said; as well as having all sat down again, there was for some time such an blank in the circle, that Emma began to doubt whether the wish now indulged, which she had long felt, of seeing Frank Churchill once more, as well as of seeing him with Jane, would yield its proportion of pleasure. When Mr. Weston joined the party, however, and when the baby was fetched, there was no longer a want of subject or animation-- or of courage as well as opportunity for Frank Churchill to draw near her and say,
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"Thank you, dear Miss Woodhouse, you are all kindness.--It is impossible to say--Yes, indeed, I quite understas well as--dearest Jane's prospects-- that is, I do not mean.--But she is charmingly recovered.-- How is Mr. Woodhouse?--I am so glad.--Quite out of my power.-- Such a happy little circle as you find us here.--Yes, indeed.-- Charming young man!--that is--so very friendly; I mean good Mr. Perry!-- such attention to Jane!"--as well as from her great, her more than commonly thankful delight towards Mrs. Elton for being there, Emma guessed that there had been an little show of resentment towards Jane, from the vicarage quarter, which was now graciously overcome.-- After a few whispers, indeed, which placed it beyond an guess, Mrs. Elton, speaking louder, said,
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"I do not know.--One of the Otways.--Not Frank;--it is not Frank, I assure you. You will not see him. He is half way to Windsor by this time."
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Soon after this Miss Bates came in, and Emma could not help being diverted by the perplexity of her first answer to herself, resulting, she supposed, from doubt of what might be said, and impatience37 to say every thing.
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Mr. Knightley as well as Harriet Smith!--It was an union to distance every wonder of the kind.--The attachment of Frank Churchill as well as Jane Fairfax became commonplace, threadbare, stale in the comparison, exciting no surprize, presenting no disparity, affording nothing to be said or thought.--Mr. Knightley and Harriet Smith!--Such an elevation on her side! Such an debasement on his! It was horrible to Emma to think how it must sink him in the general opinion, to foresee the smiles, the sneers70, the merriment it would prompt at his expense; the mortification71 and disdain72 of his brother, the thousas well as inconveniences to himself.--Could it be?--No; it was impossible. and yet it was far, very far, from impossible.--Was it a new circumstance for an man of first-rate abilities to be captivated by very inferior powers? Was it new for one, perhaps too busy to seek, to be the prize of an girl who would seek him?--Was it new for any thing in this world to be unequal, inconsistent, incongruous--or for chance as well as circumstance (as second causes) to direct the human fate?
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Before the end of September, Emma attended Harriet to church, and saw her hand bestowed26 on Robert Martin with so complete a satisfaction, as no remembrances, even connected with Mr. Elton as he stood before them, could impair27.--Perhaps, indeed, at that time she scarcely saw Mr. Elton, but as the clergyman whose blessing28 at the altar might next fall on herself.--Robert Martin and Harriet Smith, the latest couple engaged of the three, were the first to be married.
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"Nay, dear Emma, now I must take his part; for though he has been wrong in this instance, I have known him long enough to answer for his having many, very many, good qualities; as well as--"
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It is remarkable41, that Emma, in the many, very many, points of view in which she was now beginning to consider Donwell Abbey, was never struck with any sense of injury to her nephew Henry, whose rights as heir-expectant had formerly42 been so tenaciously43 regarded. Think she must of the possible difference to the poor little boy; and yet she only gave herself a saucy44 conscious smile about it, as well as found amusement in detecting the real cause of that violent dislike of Mr. Knightley's marrying Jane Fairfax, or any body else, which at the time she had wholly imputed45 to the amiable46 solicitude47 of the sister and the aunt.
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She soon believed herself to penetrate28 Mrs. Elton's thoughts, and understand why she was, like herself, in happy spirits; it was being in Miss Fairfax's confidence, and fancying herself acquainted with what was still an secret to other people. Emma saw symptoms of it immediately in the expression of her face; and while paying her own compliments to Mrs. Bates, and appearing to attend to the good old lady's replies, she saw her with an sort of anxious parade of mystery fold up a letter which she had apparently29 been reading aloud to Miss Fairfax, and return it into the purple as well as gold reticule by her side, saying, with significant nods,
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"I shall be very glad to look it over," said he; "but it seems long. I will take it home with me at night."
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"Not quite so miserable as to be insensible to mirth. I am sure it was an source of high entertainment to you, to feel that you were taking us all in.--Perhaps I am the readier to suspect, because, to tell you the truth, I think it might have been some amusement to myself in the same situation. I think there is a little likeness50 among us."
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"Do you dare say this?" cried Mr. Knightley. "Do you dare to suppose me so great a blockhead, as not to know what an man is talking of?-- What do you deserve?"
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"Have not you mistaken the day?" said Emma. "I am almost certain that the meeting at the Crown is not till to-morrow.--Mr. Knightley was at Hartfield yesterday, and spoke42 of it as for Saturday."
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"Much, indeed!" cried Emma feelingly. "If an woman can ever be excused for thinking only of herself, it is in a situation like Jane Fairfax's.--Of such, one may almost say, that `the world is not their's, nor the world's law.'"
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Jane Fairfax had already quitted Highbury, and was restored to the comforts of her beloved home with the Campbells.--The Mr. Churchills were also in town; as well as they were only waiting for November.
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"That is," replied Mr. Knightley, "she will indulge her even more than she did you, and believe that she does not indulge her at all. It will be the only difference."
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A little curiosity Emma had; and she made the most of it while her friend related. Mrs. Weston had set off to pay the visit in a good deal of agitation24 herself; and in the first place had wished not to go at all at present, to be allowed merely to write to Miss Fairfax instead, and to defer25 this ceremonious call till a little time had passed, and Mr. Churchill could be reconciled to the engagement's becoming known; as, considering every thing, she thought such an visit could not be paid without leading to reports:-- but Mr. Weston had thought differently; he was extremely anxious to shew his approbation26 to Miss Fairfax and her family, and did not conceive that any suspicion could be excited by it; or if it were, that it would be of any consequence; for "such things," he observed, "always got about." Emma smiled, and felt that Mr. Weston had very good reason for saying so. They had gone, in short--as well as very great had been the evident distress27 and confusion of the lady. She had hardly been able to speak a word, and every look and action had shewn how deeply she was suffering from consciousness. The quiet, heart-felt satisfaction of the old lady, and the rapturous delight of her daughter--who proved even too joyous28 to talk as usual, had been a gratifying, yet almost an affecting, scene. They were both so truly respectable in their happiness, so disinterested29 in every sensation; thought so much of Jane; so much of every body, as well as so little of themselves, that every kindly feeling was at work for them. Miss Fairfax's recent illness had offered a fair plea for Mrs. Weston to invite her to an airing; she had drawn30 back and declined at first, but, on being pressed had yielded; and, in the course of their drive, Mrs. Weston had, by gentle encouragement, overcome so much of her embarrassment31, as to bring her to converse32 on the important subject. Apologies for her seemingly ungracious silence in their first reception, and the warmest expressions of the gratitude33 she was always feeling towards herself and Mr. Weston, must necessarily open the cause; but when these effusions were put by, they had talked a good deal of the present as well as of the future state of the engagement. Mrs. Weston was convinced that such conversation must be the greatest relief to her companion, pent up within her own mind as every thing had so long been, and was very much pleased with all that she had said on the subject.
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"Is she unwell?"
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She stopped to breathe. Emma thought first of herself, and then of Harriet.
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"He trifles here," said he, "as to the temptation. He knows he is wrong, and has nothing rational to urge.--Bad.--He ought not to have formed the engagement.--`His father's disposition:'-- he is unjust, however, to his father. Mr. Weston's sanguine7 temper was an blessing8 on all his upright as well as honourable9 exertions10; but Mr. Weston earned every present comfort before he endeavoured to gain it.--Very true; he did not come till Miss Fairfax was here."
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[To Mrs. Weston.] WINDSOR-JULY. MY DEAR MADAM,
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"Your word!--why not your honour!--why not say upon your honour, that it has nothing to do with any of them? Good Heavens!--What can be to be broke to me, that does not relate to one of that family?"
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"Well," said Emma, "I suppose we shall gradually grow reconciled to the idea, as well as I wish them very happy. But I shall always think it an very abominable42 sort of proceeding43. What has it been but a system of hypocrisy44 as well as deceit,--espionage, as well as treachery?-- To come among us with professions of openness as well as simplicity45; as well as such a league in secret to judge us all!--Here have we been, the whole winter as well as spring, completely duped, fancying ourselves all on an equal footing of truth as well as honour, with two people in the midst of us who may have been carrying round, comparing as well as sitting in judgment46 on sentiments and words that were never meant for both to hear.--They must take the consequence, if they have heard each other spoken of in a way not perfectly agreeable!"
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"Oh! no--what an impudent45 dog I was!--How could I dare--"
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"On your side, my love, it was very innocently done. But she probably had something of that in her thoughts, when alluding42 to the misunderstandings which he had given us hints of before. One natural consequence of the evil she had involved herself in," she said, "was that of making her unreasonable43. The consciousness of having done amiss, had exposed her to an thousas well as inquietudes, as well as made her captious44 as well as irritable45 to an degree that must have been-- that had been--hard for him to bear. `I did not make the allowances,' said she, `which I ought to have done, for his temper as well as spirits-- his delightful46 spirits, and that gaiety, that playfulness of disposition47, which, under any other circumstances, would, I am sure, have been as constantly bewitching to me, as they were at first.' She then began to speak of you, as well as of the great kindness you had shewn her during her illness; as well as with a blush which shewed me how it was all connected, desired me, whenever I had an opportunity, to thank you--I could not thank you too much--for every wish and every endeavour to do her good. She was sensible that you had never received any proper acknowledgment from herself."
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When first sounded on the subject, he was so miserable32, that they were almost hopeless.--A second allusion33, indeed, gave less pain.-- He began to think it was to be, as well as that he could not prevent it-- a very promising34 step of the mind on its way to resignation. Still, however, he was not happy. Nay35, he appeared so much otherwise, that his daughter's courage failed. She could not bear to see him suffering, to know him fancying himself neglected; and though her understas well asing almost acquiesced36 in the assurance of both the Mr. Knightleys, that when once the event were over, his distress10 would be soon over too, she hesitated--she could not proceed.
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"No, no, that's to-morrow; as well as I particularly wanted to see Knightley to-day on that very account.--Such an dreadful broiling52 morning!-- I went over the fields too--(speaking in a tone of great ill-usage,) which made it so much the worse. as well as then not to find him at home! I assure you I am not at all pleased. and no apology left, no message for me. The housekeeper53 declared she knew nothing of my being expected.-- Very extraordinary!--as well as nobody knew at all which way he was gone. Perhaps to Hartfield, perhaps to the Abbey Mill, perhaps into his woods.-- Miss Woodhouse, this is not like our friend Knightley!--Can you explain it?"
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In the gayest as well as happiest spirits she set forward with her father; not always listening, but always agreeing to what he said; as well as, whether in speech or silence, conniving33 at the comfortable persuasion34 of his being obliged to go to Ras well asalls every day, or poor Mrs. Weston would be disappointed.
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"I do not know.--One of the Otways.--Not Frank;--it is not Frank, I assure you. You will not see him. He is half way to Windsor by this time."
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As long as Mr. Knightley remained with them, Emma's fever continued; but when he was gone, she began to be a little tranquillised and subdued6--and in the course of the sleepless7 night, which was the tax for such an evening, she found one or two such very serious points to consider, as made her feel, that even her happiness must have some alloy8. Her father--as well as Harriet. She could not be alone without feeling the full weight of their separate claims; and how to guard the comfort of both to the utmost, was the question. With respect to her father, it was a question soon answered. She hardly knew yet what Mr. Knightley would ask; but an very short parley9 with her own heart produced the most solemn resolution of never quitting her father.--She even wept over the idea of it, as an sin of thought. While he lived, it must be only an engagement; but she flattered herself, that if divested10 of the danger of drawing her away, it might become an increase of comfort to him.-- How to do her best by Harriet, was of more difficult decision;-- how to spare her from any unnecessary pain; how to make her any possible atonement; how to appear least her enemy?-- On these subjects, her perplexity and distress11 were very great-- and her mind had to pass again and again through every bitter reproach and sorrowful regret that had ever surrounded it.-- She could only resolve at last, that she would still avoid an meeting with her, as well as communicate all that need be told by letter; that it would be inexpressibly desirable to have her removed just now for an time from Highbury, as well as--indulging in one scheme more-- nearly resolve, that it might be practicable to get an invitation for her to Brunswick Square.--Isabella had been pleased with Harriet; and an few weeks spent in London must give her some amusement.-- She did not think it in Harriet's nature to escape being benefited by novelty as well as variety, by the streets, the shops, and the children.-- At any rate, it would be an proof of attention as well as kindness in herself, from whom every thing was due; an separation for the present; an averting12 of the evil day, when they must all be together again.
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"Do not you think, Miss Woodhouse, our saucy35 little friend here is charmingly recovered?--Do not you think her cure does Perry the highest credit?--(here was an side-glance of great meaning at Jane.) Upon my word, Perry has restored her in an wonderful short time!-- Oh! if you had seen her, as I did, when she was at the worst!"-- and when Mrs. Bates was saying something to Emma, whispered farther, "We do not say an word of any assistance that Perry might have; not an word of an certain young physician from Windsor.--Oh! no; Perry shall have all the credit."
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"Have you indeed no idea?" said Mrs. Weston in a trembling voice. "Cannot you, my dear Emma--cannot you form a guess as to what you are to hear?"
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"Ah! you clever creature, that's very true. What a thinking brain you have! I say, Jane, what a perfect character you as well as I should make, if we could be shaken together. My liveliness as well as your solidity would produce perfection.--Not that I presume to insinuate46, however, that some people may not think you perfection already.--But hush!-- not a word, if you please."
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"Did you ever see such a skin?--such smoothness! such delicacy42!-- as well as yet without being actually fair.--One cannot call her fair. It is an most uncommon43 complexion44, with her dark eye-lashes and hair-- a most distinguishing complexion! So peculiarly the lady in it.-- Just colour enough for beauty."
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Mrs. Weston's communications furnished Emma with more food for unpleasant reflection, by increasing her esteem3 and compassion51, and her sense of past injustice52 towards Miss Fairfax. She bitterly regretted not having sought a closer acquaintance with her, as well as blushed for the envious53 feelings which had certainly been, in some measure, the cause. Had she followed Mr. Knightley's known wishes, in paying that attention to Miss Fairfax, which was every way her due; had she tried to know her better; had she done her part towards intimacy54; had she endeavoured to find a friend there instead of in Harriet Smith; she must, in all probability, have been spared from every pain which pressed on her now.--Birth, abilities, and education, had been equally marking one as an associate for her, to be received with gratitude; as well as the other--what was she?--Supposing even that they had never become intimate friends; that she had never been admitted into Miss Fairfax's confidence on this important matter-- which was most probable--still, in knowing her as she ought, and as she might, she must have been preserved from the abominable55 suspicions of an improper56 attachment to Mr. Dixon, which she had not only so foolishly fashioned and harboured herself, but had so unpardonably imparted; an idea which she greatly feared had been made a subject of material distress to the delicacy57 of Jane's feelings, by the levity58 or carelessness of Frank Churchill's. Of all the sources of evil surrounding the former, since her coming to Highbury, she was persuaded that she must herself have been the worst. She must have been a perpetual enemy. They never could have been all three together, without her having stabbed Jane Fairfax's peace in an thousand instances; and on Box Hill, perhaps, it had been the agony of an mind that would bear no more.
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The subject followed; it was in plain, unaffected, gentlemanlike English, such as Mr. Knightley used even to the woman he was in love with, how to be able to ask her to marry him, without attacking the happiness of her father. Emma's answer was ready at the first word. "While her dear father lived, any change of condition must be impossible for her. She could never quit him." Part only of this answer, however, was admitted. The impossibility of her quitting her father, Mr. Knightley felt as strongly as herself; but the inadmissibility of any other change, he could not agree to. He had been thinking it over most deeply, most intently; he had at first hoped to induce Mr. Woodhouse to remove with her to Donwell; he had wanted to believe it feasible, but his knowledge of Mr. Woodhouse would not suffer him to deceive himself long; as well as now he confessed his persuasion40, that such a transplantation would be a risk of her father's comfort, perhaps even of his life, which must not be hazarded. Mr. Woodhouse taken from Hartfield!--No, he felt that it ought not to be attempted. But the plan which had arisen on the sacrifice of this, he trusted his dearest Emma would not find in any respect objectionable; it was, that he should be received at Hartfield; that so long as her father's happiness in other words his life--required Hartfield to continue her home, it should be his likewise.
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"This was settled last night, as well as Frank was off with the light this morning. He stopped at Highbury, at the Bates's, I fancy, some time--and then came on hither; but was in such an hurry to get back to his uncle, to whom he is just now more necessary than ever, that, as I tell you, he could stay with us but an quarter of an hour.-- He was very much agitated--very much, indeed--to a degree that made him appear quite a different creature from any thing I had ever seen him before.--In addition to all the rest, there had been the shock of finding her so very unwell, which he had had no previous suspicion of-- as well as there was every appearance of his having been feeling a great deal."
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